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Cyber-bullying to Cyber-benevolence

With cyber-bullying on the rise, can kindness be spread through social networking? Teens are proving the internet can be used to spread love rather than hate with the "Facebook compliments" movement.

 

Anonymity is a powerful thing.

In any situation in which an individual's identity is not disclosed, they inevitably have far more confidence knowing that they will not be judged on a personal level for their actions. That confidence, however, can often give a person more incentive to attack others. Now, with social networking usage at an all-time high and technology advancing at a remarkable pace, cyber-bullying is on the rise, especially in the high school age group. In fact, according to statistics from the i-SAFE foundation, over half of adolescents and teens have been bullied online, and about the same number have participated in the bullying.

This overwhelming flood of negativity has given teenagers a poor reputation when it comes to social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. Recently, however, high school students have been using the ability to be anonymous on the internet in a positive way. Students from hundreds of schools across the nation have been creating Facebook accounts dedicated to complimenting their peers - all anonymously.

Inspired by "Pay It Forward," a movie that promotes being kind to others, the "Facebook compliments" movement took off when four students at Queens University in Ontario, Canada started a Facebook page dedicated to complimenting their peers. Students wrote compliments to their peers in private messages to the Facebook account, which were posted as anonymous words of kindness. A staggering 1,500 comments were submitted in four days, out of which only about four or five were unkind. 

This "cyber-graciousness" has spread to Connecticut as well; countless schools from well-known Yale University to the small Old Saybrook High School have pages on Facebook to carry on the movement of anonymous kindness.

"I added OSHS Compliments wondering what it was since almost 100 of my Facebook friends were friends with the page," says Lillian Bonin, a sophomore at Old Saybrook High School. She received an anonymous compliment through the Facebook page shortly after discovering it. "I didn't expect to get a compliment so quickly, especially one that addressed some of my insecurities. It made me feel really loved and accepted."

Movements like this have proven that social networking and anonymity on the internet doesn't just spread hate - love can be spread anonymously too. However, the message of kindness doesn't have to stop when you leave your computer. Encourage others to participate in the "Pay It Forward" movement by doing good deeds, no matter how small. Establish a personal goal of making someone smile every day. Tell someone that you love them. As cliché as it may sound, you'll be surprised by how much simple actions like these will improve not only the quality of your own life, but also brighten the lives of others.

Robert M January 13, 2013 at 08:15 pm
I sincerely hope that this wave of optimism and "cyber-benevolence" washes away the often caustic and demeaning tone of today's social media. Thank you for sharing this inspiring article, Ms. Martin!
Andrew Ziemba January 13, 2013 at 11:13 pm
It's truly fascinating trying to understand the philosophy that most have, which is to say that "bullying is bad, cyber bullying is bad too!" but yet they live their entire lives subscribing to the notion that it is perfectly fine if someone else bullies FOR you.
Why is that? Why do people always accept that bullying is JUST FINE as long as someone else does it for you? The vast majority of people calling for an end to bullying are bullies themselves. How can a society expect their children not to bully when they are surrounded by an entire society which bases its core fundamental beliefs on bullying people in every single aspect of their lives? Most parents are just a bunch of hypocrites. So change. Don't be a hypocrite. Raise your children in an environment that does NOT promote bullying. www.lewrockwell.com
Dave Strider January 14, 2013 at 12:49 am
http://25.media.tumblr.com/9fb574d6b0ba94bbdd03db2c5f9416e6/tumblr_mg1qf8eYzl1reugqko1_500.png
unknownauthor January 14, 2013 at 02:11 am
Edgara and Andrew - these are both very valid points, but with all due respect, we should also consider some of the positive things going on to combat this bullying. Times are changing; it's time to highlight the people battling this bullying in a positive way (i.e. the Facebook movement explained in this article) as opposed to the bullying itself. Bullying is something that thrives on attention, and although it will never completely go away, it can be significantly decreased if we combat it in a peaceful and positive way and pay attention to that positivity rather than focusing on the bullying itself. I know that was the case in my high school; in fact, after an ADL seminar last year, many of my friends noticed a significant decrease in bullying - I know I did. I was just a freshman at the time, and had endured my fair share of bullying, but I experienced so much relief after that seminar. Now that this "Facebook compliments" movement has started as well, bullying is so rare at OSHS. It really is a wonderful thing that should be highlighted rather than overshadowed by negativity towards the bullies themselves. As I said earlier, bullying thrives on attention; if we starve it of that, it will eventually wither and die. The upcoming generation is a kind one. :)
Angela January 14, 2013 at 11:48 am
Love Lew Rockwell.
Andrew Ziemba January 14, 2013 at 01:12 pm
Bullying starts with the hand or other tool of the parent used to beat their kids. I was at a Walmart the other day when I noticed a particularly poor example of parenting. There was a young woman with what would appear to be her son. She was dragging the little boy (perhaps 5) as he was crying and whining. Rather than stop, get down on one knee, and try to have a conversation about what the child was feeling and how to work mutually to calm the child down, she viciously tugged him as he fell to the ground. During the confrontation she said "you better not hurt yourself because you are NOT going to the ER today."
This is America. Children who are abused by their parents grow up to be bullies. There is no defense for this behavior. It is so much harder to help to change a child or young adult after they have been abused physically and mentally. I would rather focus my efforts on educating people before the problem happens. It's like smoking during pregnancy. Not much you can do after that baby is born with problems.
Daniella Ruiz January 14, 2013 at 01:43 pm
andrew>> it is so true. i've also seen some tykes barely 2yrs old being dragged along by their hand, their arm stretched straight up to meet the parents clasping hand, and their small legs just trying to keep up, while the parent's stride is nearly 3 feet VS their own which might be barely 1 foot or less. the mommy (usually but not always) walks at such a clip, up over curbs, around obstacles and wonders why her little precious is so much trouble? don't these parents have any idea of what they are subjecting these small children to? the lack of true care demonstrated by some parents just startles me, and nearly every time i'm out and about. there's the other moms who plunk them into a stroller, and then 'fuggetaboutem', as they wander the mall and streets while blabbing a stream of personal chatter to their buddy moms as they wander aimlessly. (sometimes on a cell phone)
it isn't what one could call direct abuse, but rather simply, a lack of care or even awareness of the child. bullying by neglect, maybe? and you wonder why so many children develop a sense of 'i'm not really wanted" other parents are models of understanding and communication and it shows, as the child is calm, smiling, eyes alert and curious, and they interact with others. those childrens needs are being met, and it has time to absorb more of what goes on around itself, rather than gird itself for the next unanticipated 'yank' or demand from the parent.
thomas January 14, 2013 at 04:26 pm
the internet and facebook are keeping these mudlarks from good ol physical work and bible study these are a new generation of carefee cretins.
Matt January 14, 2013 at 05:15 pm
When you come to terms with that fact that not everyone on earth is required to follow your personal religious beliefs, maybe it will make more sense to you. And maybe you won't think everyone and everything is a heathen, as you so often point out on here.
thomas January 14, 2013 at 05:44 pm
Matt and fellow townies, i am trying to embellish a style which is in lost form today in a world in very steep materialism, i am trying to get published and will put north haven ct. u. s. a. on the map . you will be proud of your native son i did borrow my initial synopsis from the westboro baptist church out of topeka who preach a true gospel. thanks for the memories.
Matt January 14, 2013 at 05:52 pm
So your role model for how you and everyone else should act is the Westboro Baptist Church? The people who run around with "THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS" signs, "GOD BLESS ROADSIDE BOMBS" signs, "GOD HATES FAGS" signs, and who wanted to celebrate the massacre of 20 children in Newtown with their GOD LOVES DEAD BABIES signs??? Before I thought you were just a little overly religious, but now I think you've removed all doubt that you're just a complete wing nut. The only map you'll be on is in your own dysfunctional mind.
Angela January 14, 2013 at 06:42 pm
a true gospel? please tell me you are kidding......
unknownauthor January 14, 2013 at 09:48 pm
Matt, you are right on. I will never understand how these people honestly think that it's right to use God's name to hate so many groups of people and make perhaps the most derogatory statements I have ever seen. The Westboro Baptist Church not a church; it's a hate group. They're repeatedly talking about how "God hates fags" and "God loves dead babies," yet the entire Bible repeatedly talks about how God loves everyone. I sense a contradiction here.
John Yannacci, Sr. January 14, 2013 at 10:00 pm
Really, Andrew, a conversation with a 5 year old. Sometimes, a good smack on the bottom is just what the doctor ordered.
unknownauthor January 14, 2013 at 10:12 pm
Thomas -
Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. - Matthew 7:1-2 Please think about that. It's a verse I learned in my bible study. Oh, and by the way, I'm a high school student with a Facebook account.
Daniella Ruiz January 14, 2013 at 10:44 pm
Matt, Cassie, Angela >>> yikes dont fall right into that trap! the mention of 'that' church is bad enough, but it's the reaction's they thrive on! controversy uses conflict to bring them attention, and the less people notice them, the better.
some call it 'disruption therapy', oddly enough it has succeeded in dragging hapless people into pointless and non-productive confrontations, right when they feel vulnerable and open to emotional scarring. it's a form of bullying, get it?
unknownauthor January 14, 2013 at 10:52 pm
Daniella - you're right. That "church" just infuriates me to no end. But you are right on; in fact, bullying in general is something that thrives on attention, as I said in one of my previous comments. I was also getting a little tired of all the negativity going on in the comments of an article that was supposed to be positive and uplifting. Thank you for the comment; it opened my eyes.
farm guy January 15, 2013 at 01:01 am
Matt, Don't fall for thomas' garbage. He is just baiting you. True Christians don't believe in those things.
Goodall January 15, 2013 at 01:39 am
Cassie,
What a wonderful and hopeful article you have posted. This is the first I have heard of positive anonymity on the internet: I love it - what a great idea. I certainly hope it's going to catch on. Good for you Miss Cassie Martin for sharing this emerging trend. Thanks for caring about the world enough to do so. XO, Joannie H.
unknownauthor January 15, 2013 at 01:49 am
Thank you so much, Joannie! I really appreciate the comment. I'm so glad you like the article. I hope this trend will catch on as well; I know it's been making my high school a much more positive place and I really hope that positivity will spread to other schools as well. Thanks again for the comment; it made my night. :) -Cassie
James Bond January 15, 2013 at 01:52 am
Thomas has invented a new bullying,Self Rightous Bible Bullying.
Thomas January 15, 2013 at 02:38 am
This Thomas does not agree with that Thomas. That church is a bona fide cult and anyone who references their doctrine as gospel needs to be evaluated.
tina chofay January 16, 2013 at 04:08 am
Cassie,
I am so impressed with both the quality of your writing and the quality of your thoughts on this topic. I agree with you that positive deeds and actions are the way to change the world. Your article reminded me of a quote by Mother Theresa "I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there." Keep up the good work! Your old neighbor, Tina C.
unknownauthor January 16, 2013 at 06:55 pm
Tina,
Thank you so much! It's so great to hear from you. This comment made my day; I really appreciate it. :) I absolutely love the Mother Theresa quote; it's one of my favorites. Thanks again for the comment! I'm so happy you like the article! -Cassie

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